


Heaven’s In The Details

by Predaking



Series: Tomorrow Might Be Better [2]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, this one has a happy ending I swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-25 22:54:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16669936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Predaking/pseuds/Predaking
Summary: “You’re wasting your time trying to cheer me up. You’re a captain, ya’ got things to do. But you just sit here calling a fuck up things he’s not.”“Do you want me to call you a fuck up, then?” Thunderclash asked.Rodimus was silent for a very long time.“I want you to stop lying to me, is what I want.”(Takes place post Lost Light 25)





	Heaven’s In The Details

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Tomorrow Will Be Better](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16561700) by [Predaking](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Predaking/pseuds/Predaking). 



> Slightly happier follow up to my other post Ll25 rodiclash fic https://archiveofourown.org/works/16561700
> 
> Which I recommend reading before this one but it’s not a requirement; it doesn’t reference the other fic that much.
> 
> Real quick note there’s a section where it lists a bunch of times, I used military time since it makes more sense to use for TFs

After probably too many reminders, and too many “accidental” run ins at the bar, Rodimus had finally agreed with Thunderclash’s idea to visit Drift. Even though it was an incredibly small gesture, Thunderclash was very excited about it. This was good, very good! Drift was Rodimus’s amica, he knew Roddy better than anyone. Surely there would be something Drift could say to nudge him out of his slump, and succeed where Thunderclash had failed in making Rodimus happy again.

Thunderclash made all the arrangements for Rodimus to leave, he even let Rodimus go without a designated driver this time, confident that seeing Drift would be enough to convince him not to make a bar stop on the way home. It took all of Thunderclash’s willpower not to see Rodimus off, but he figured that might be overbearing. So instead, Thunderclash excitedly watched the clock so he could greet Rodimus when he was due to return.

Thunderclash expected to waltz into that dock and find a changed mech, a Rodimus as bright and cheery as his old self, who didn’t even reach for his flask while chatting with Thunderclash about the visit. In Thunderclash’s fantasy, Rodimus had gotten his paint cleaned up too, and he didn’t look so tired- Ah, now he was just being unrealistic.

Either way, above all else. He was hoping Drift would talk some sense into him, so everything would be better again.

Thunderclash had gotten lost in his daydreaming and almost missed his alarm going off. He immediately dropped what he was doing, forcing himself to not run toward the ship bay. He grinned wide when he crossed through the door to the docks, speeding up just a smidge so he could reach Rodimus’s docking station faster. But, as Thunderclash approached, his grin faltered.

Rodimus wasn’t there; the pod was already docked, and had been for some time.

While a bit disappointed on not being able to welcome him back, Thunderclash didn’t give up hope just yet. He was a little lost in thought when his alarm went off, maybe he just missed him. Or maybe he came back earlier than expected. Was a bit strange he didn’t call ahead, though...

Oh well, Thunderclash turned away from the pod, heading back toward the main halls of the ship. As he walked, he pulled up the chat client on his HUD, might as well text Rodimus and ask.

_-//Hi, Roddy! How’d it go? :)_

**_Today 1924_ **

Thunderclash slowed a little in his walk as he stared at the little box, eagerly awaiting a reply. A reply that never came, just a little message at the bottom of the window.

_✓Read at 1930_

As anxious as he was, Thunderclash didn’t want to come off as pushy. So he decided to close out the client, if it stayed on his HUD that’d be all he could think about. He’d stare and stare and try to force back the urge to double text.

Thunderclash sat down in his office once more, trying to focus on his paperwork again. Something about a research vessel in the same sector needing fuel from the Exitus’s reserves...

It wasn’t enough to keep Thunderclash distracted for long, the nagging thought of Rodimus eating at the back of his processor. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt...

_-//Was Drift happy to see you? What was his sermon about?_

**_Today 1935_ **

He tried to get back to his paperwork, and this poor ship that was desperately trying to arrange a trade agreement with the Exitus. It seemed pretty dire-

_✓Read at 2003_

Why did it take Rodimus thirty minutes to even look at it? Thunderclash tried to reason with himself, there must be a non worrying explanation. Maybe he was just busy, or maybe Drift gave him some reading materials, maybe he was chatting with Drift right now or..maybe he…

Or maybe he was drunk.

Yea, let’s face it. He was probably drunk. Thunderclash buried his face in his hands, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He knew he shouldn’t have expected that dramatic of a turn around, but he was hopeful. He just wanted things to go back to like they were before. He wanted Rodimus to stop hating himself, sober up and start enjoying life again.

Instead of frantically texting Rodimus and waiting forever for him to respond, Thunderclash decided to pop in and check on him in the most likely place he would be: the on board bar. However, when he got there, Thunderclash’s quick once over of the room showed him Rodimus wasn’t there. Someone else was sitting in his spot at the counter, and the bartender wasn’t doing his usual hovering to make sure Rodimus spent as much money as possible.

“Do you know where Rodimus went?” Thunderclash would ask once he approached the counter, to which he bartender shrugged.

 _“_ Nope, haven’t seen him in a few days.” He smirked at the ship captain, “Should send him my way when you see him, though. I miss it when my mini Trailcutter isn’t here to keep me company.”

Ouch, “That’s kind of a cruel nickname.”

“Am I wrong, though?”

Thunderclash chose not to dignify him with a response before leaving the bar.

_-//Hey, Rodimus, are you okay?_

**_Today 2037_ **

Rodimus was a grown mech, and Thunderclash tried not to worry about him too much. It wasn’t like he needed someone to hover and fuss- well...well he kind of did, actually. If it wasn’t for Thunderclash’s gentle nudging toward healthier habits Rodimus would probably be a lot worse off than he was now.

Rodimus must just be...busy! Yes, that’s it, he was busy! Even if the definition of busy was sobbing into the bottom of a bottle, that must be the only reason he wasn’t responding to his texts. He was just preoccupied with something else, or perhaps tired out from the trip. Maybe he was even chatting with Drift in another text window and couldn’t reply to Thunderclash because the conversation was that intense.

Thunderclash pushed the worry of Rodimus to the back of his mind for the time being, sitting back at his desk and pulling up the datapads for that ship that needed trades again...And he managed to focus on them until he got a notification.

_✓Read 2245_

How did it take Rodimus _that_ long to read his text? Thunderclash hesitated, did he dare…?

_-//Rodimus?_

**_Sent 2246_ **

He only waited a brief amount of time for the response that wouldn’t come.

_-//Rodimus? Is everything alright?_

**_Sent 2250_ **

**_Rodimus is typing…_ **

Thunderclash froze when that little notification came up. He stared down the message, time slipping by like molasses as it appeared and disappeared as if Rodimus couldn’t decide what to say.

_-//stop_

**_Sent 2310_ **

Thunderclash was out the door in an instant. Something was wrong, he could feel it. Rodimus wasn’t okay and something was very wrong.

Thunderclash slowed as the door to Rodimus’s hab came into view. He heard the sounds of muffled crying coming from within, which honestly wasn’t that unusual considering who the hab belonged to. But everything leading up to Thunderclash standing here is why it concerned him. He gently rapped his knuckles against the door.

“Roddy? Everything okay in there?”

The crying quieted down for a few seconds, to be replaced by the sounds of shuffling. And after that, a loud thud. About four minutes (Thunderclash checked) after the thud had been heard, the crying resumed.

“Are you hurt?” Thunderclash said again, that sounded like a hard fall.

“Go away! Jus-just fuck _off_!” Rodimus screamed, before quieting down into soft hiccups. “Go-go away, please.”

“I’m coming in.” Thunderclash decided, inputting the emergency override code to the door.

Rodimus wailed at the intruder, said intruder having to duck aside to avoid being hit by an empty bottle thrown at his face. It missed his face by a long shot, instead smashing against his pede. After the initial attack, Rodimus went silent.

Thunderclash didn’t pay attention to the broken bottle for long, instead turning to examine the room.

Primus, what a mess.

Everything was coated in a thin layer of soot, as if the entire room had caught fire but only briefly. Empty bottles scattered all over the room, the berth was scorched black, and the charred remains of blankets had been thrown into the corner. Rodimus’s stash of liquor had gotten jostled by the explosion, broken bottles smashed on the ground, with technicolor liquids mixing together being the only thing to brighten up the room.

What could’ve caused Rodimus to have an outburst like this?

“Are your audials broken? I thought I told you to go away.”

The blankets in the corner weren’t a pile, they were cocooning a certain mech. An over bright blue optic peered up from them, not caring about the still smouldering state of his blankets.

“Rodimus!” Thunderclash exclaimed, perhaps too excitedly, in the knowledge the Prime wasn’t maimed and dying. He realized too late that probably wasn’t an appropriate response to the situation at hand, quieting his tone into something more gentle. “Rodimus, did something happen with Drift?”

Though Thunderclash couldn’t imagine anything Drift could do to make Rodimus react like this, it was the only thing he had done today-

“I didn’t go.” Rodimus confessed, the visible optic started to tear up, before he hid his face in the blankets. “I don’t want him to-to see me like th-th-this.” His voice wavered as he kept trying to speak, “Nobody can see-see me like th-this.”

He hiccuped, huddling as much as he could into his ruined blankets. Thunderclash’s servos hovered over the miserable bundle of ash, fabric, and mech, unsure what to do. Would touching him upset him more?

“I’m so pathetic.” The statement was punctuated by an audible clang as Rodimus brought his hand up to smack himself in the forehead. “So.” _smack_ “Fucking.” _smack_ “Pathetic.” _smack_

Thunderclash got over his hesitations and grabbed his hand before he could hit himself again. On an odd note, despite the fact that Rodimus had clearly activated his outlier ability recently, his hand was cold. Too cold. Thunderclash found himself rubbing his thumb along the back of said hand in an attempt to warm it.

It occurred to him too late that this was the first time he had gotten physically affectionate with Rodimus since he joined up on the Exitus. When Thunderclash looked away from the hand, he found Rodimus staring at him with an owlish look. Thunderclash blushed, gingerly pushing the hand against Roddy’s chest, tugging up the blankets some to cover it,

Rodimus was either too drunk, too upset, or too wanting to pretend it didn’t happen to say anything about it. His optics welled up with tears, flipping over to face the wall. Now that his back was to him, Thunderclash could see that his spoiler had been dented- probably from falling off the bed.

“Drift hat-hates me.” Rodimus snuffled, “They-they all _hate_ me. None of them care! None of them FUCKING CARE! None of them try to talk to me, try to see how I’m doing, keep in contact. I thought they liked me, and they all get to live their happy little lives and I get to-get to-“

Rodimus’s soliloquy was interrupted by a hiccuping fit, he curled up into a tighter ball as if that would stop it.

“I-I just want this to stop. I wan-want to stop feeling like this. I want to-to be back on the Lost Light. I want people to care ag-again. But that’s not gonna hap-happen, that’s never gonna fucking-fucking happen.” Rodimus snuffled hard, “I jus’ wanna be dead. I wanna b-be dead.”

Thunderclash’s spark ached seeing Rodimus like this, he felt helpless knowing nothing he could say or offer would help. Try as he might, nothing could fill the gaping void in Rodimus’s spark, left by the absence of too many things.

Thunderclash couldn’t take this anymore.

Rodimus gave a startled squeak when he was scooped up and squeezed. Squeezed as hard as Thunderclash could without hurting the other. Hurting him more then he already was.

“I’m so sorry.”

Oh, Thunderclash knew once he got over the initial shock, Rodimus was going to lash out at him. He’d scream and lick till his belly plates dented. Scream at him for _daring_ to treat him like an upset sparkling-

But nothing of the sort ever came.

As all this worst case scenario ran through Thunderclash’s Head, Rodimus was snuggling himself tighter against his chest. Nuzzling his cheek into the emblem plastered across the broad surface.

Thunderclash wrapped himself further around Rodimus, thinking that’s what he was trying to signal he wanted. Cheek pressed against the Prime’s forehead, what wasn’t covered by the tattered blanket being bundled in arms. Thunderclash had the strongest urge to protect Rodimus from the world. Protect him from the harsh looks by his crew mates, the jokes at his expense.

Protect him from himself.

“I know you won’t believe me but, you’re not pathetic.” Thunderclash finally broke the silence with, fidgeting by attempting to smooth the dent in Rodimus’s spoiler with his fingers.

Rodimus snorted, “Believe in that all you want, I can’t stop you.”

“It doesn’t matter how much _I_ believe it, Rod. I’m not the one benefitting.” Thunderclash paused, conflicted on how to finish his thought. “And-and I do believe it, you’re a wonderful, kind person. There’s more to you than a quest that ended years ago and friends that don’t talk to you anymore.”

When Thunderclash felt the frame he was cradling tense, he knew he had chosen the wrong choice of words. He refused to let go, though, and kept petting lightly along the spoiler. The tension came and went, and Rodimus was burying his face again.

“Why do you do this? I wish you’d stop.” Rodimus’s voice was muffled, “You’re wasting your time trying to cheer me up. You’re a captain, ya’ got things to do. But you just sit here calling a fuck up things he’s not.”

“Do you want me to call you a fuck up, then?” Thunderclash asked.

Rodimus was silent for a very long time.

“I want you to stop lying to me, is what I want.”

Not knowing how to respond, Thunderclash nodded. He let the silence reign again, focusing hard on his task to repair Rodimus’s spoiler with his fingers alone. It was a fruitless task, and Thunderclash had to face the fact he was making excuses to not speak up.

“I can’t...prove to you anything. I can’t prove to you you’re a good person if you don’t believe it, I can’t prove that people still care about you, and...I can’t prove to you you’re not gonna die alone.” He paused again, “And, I wish I could, I really wish with all my spark I could. All I can do is say you deserve better than this, and say that I’m sorry people have abandoned you when you needed them. But, if it means anything, anything at all, I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon. And, you might not believe that either but...Primus, I’ll honestly try.”

When Rodimus didn’t say a word in response, Thunderclash took the hint it was maybe time to leave. He stood up, wordlessly setting Rodimus down on his berth. He even went the extra mile to tuck his blankets more snug around his frame. Uncomfortable with the lack of reaction, and figuring Rodimus was starting to hate him now more than ever, Thunderclash turned to leave.

“Wait.”

When Thunderclash looked back over his shoulder, he saw Rodimus peeking out from his blanket cocoon again. He looked shy when Thunderclash stared, like he wasn’t expecting him to actually stop.

“Can...can you like, stay here? Uh...sleep with me- oh god not like that, not like that. Like- Primus I sound like a sparkling.” His face burned pink, “It’s uh...been a very long time since anyone has held me like that.”

Thunderclash sat back down on the berth, “No, I understand, it’s not childish. You’re lonely.”

Rodimus didn’t dispute it, scooting over to give Thunderclash room to lay down. The blue mech faced away from Rodimus, wanting to make the situation as non awkward for the other as possible. Thunderclash didn’t mind either way, but Rodimus’s pride was easily bruised.

Which is why it came as a surprise when Rodimus wrapped his arms around Thunderclash’s waist.


End file.
